IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..' 

We haven't used Sears repair since. 



IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. 

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. 

 

 

 

 

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! 
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' 

From Kingman , KS 




IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. 

From Kansas City 




IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 
'That's why we ask.' 

Happened in Birmingham , Ala. 




IDIOT SIGHTING: 
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' 

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS 





IDIOT SIGHTING: 
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. 

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments. 





IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less. 






IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' 

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi 
 

 STAY ALERT!

They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE. 

 

 

Tags: funny
Current Location: work
Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Ive been waiting - Sixpence none the richer

One for the girls

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord
my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.

Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to You.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other!

Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'

Tags: funny
Current Location: work
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: office chatter

In honor of my friend 
bluesgirly
 I share with you the following




If you're planning to visit Alabama any time soon, make sure you don't challenge a bear to a wrestling match. It could land you in jail since bear wrestling is a Class B felony in the Yellowhammer State. And if you're thinking of dressing as a nun to go trick-or-treating in Mobile, think again. Impersonating a nun or other member of the clergy is punishable by up to a year in jail and a fine of $500.

These are just two examples of the many wacky statutes on the books, not just in Alabama but in states across the nation. Here are a few more that might make you wonder what lawmakers were thinking:

• It's illegal to collect rags or paper in Indianapolis on Sundays. Don't go rag or paper collecting on legal holidays either, or you could be subject to a fine. However, it's generally okay to collect rags and paper after 7:30 a.m. and before 5:30.


• Don't skip your Saturday night bath in Barre, Vermont. There is a law on the books requiring all residents to bathe every Saturday night. Washing on other days of the week is apparently optional and left to the discretion of the residents.


• When attacked by a bird, you can throw a rock at it in Indianapolis. However, it is illegal to throw stones at birds if you're not acting in self-defense.


• Michigan will pay you to throw rocks at birds. But only if you kill them, and only if they're starlings or crows. The state pays three cents for each starling killed and ten cents per crow.


• Florida forbids the tethering of pregnant pigs. It is also illegal to confine an expecting sow to a cage, crate or other enclosure that prevents the pig from turning around freely.


• You can't sell your eyes in Texas. "The Eyes of Texas" is the official song of the University of Texas, and they are apparently not for sale. Nor are any other bodily organs, under penalty of law.


• Pinball is not for children in South Carolina. For some reason, you have to be at least 18 to play pinball in the Palmetto State.


• In Belvedere, California, dogs must not appear in public without their masters on a leash. The city council probably intended to make sure the canines rather than the humans were leashed.


• If you have political ambitions in Tennessee, don't participate in a duel. The state prohibits people who have been in a duel from holding public office.


• Only genuine smack-downs are permitted in Louisiana. State law prohibits the exhibition of fake wrestling matches.

This is only a sampling of the many crazy laws still on the books in states across the US. In addition to avoiding breaking obvious laws like posted speed limits in your town, you should also take care to avoid whaling in Oklahoma or selling blue ducklings in Kentucky. Remember, ignorance of the law is no excuse!

Tags: funny, news
Current Location: work
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Going, going, gone - Kalapana

simply_sheepieI hope this brightens your mood and makes you smile

 



 











 

Tags: funny
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: amused

I hope you all can see it now :)

Imagine the following:


You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and step out onto the church steps. The photographer raises his camera.


Following your family tradition, both of you hold white doves which you will release together. You and your new husband stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and relatives eagerly wait.


The photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky.


Not a dry eye in the house, the camera flashes; the moment is saved for eternity....






Wedding Gown   $2,500.
Photographer        $2,000.

Having "the twins" pop out and say CHEESE in front of your

family and friends...  Priceless

Tags: funny
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Anxiety - Black Eyed Peas